Dear Uncle Marty,
I wonder if you could help me. I've been in business for a few years now and still see myself in the establishment / relationship-building phase and am excited that I'm finally seeing results of that time investment. But, the more I grow and the more relationships I build, the more it's driving up my stress levels. I have a hard time trying to meet everyone's demands on my time and work is invading my personal space, my home life, and, despite positively growing business relationships, my personal relationships are suffering. I wish I could clone myself so that I could be everywhere I need to be at once, giving proper time to all those who either demand or deserve it. What do I do?
Sincerely,
Feeling Torn in Two in Tacoma
Dear Torn in Two,
I feel you and I hear you. What you need are healthy boundaries, plain and simple.
Setting boundaries allows you to compartmentalize your work and personal lives appropriately; boundaries allow you to focus on what you need to do when you're in the physical space, head space, and appropriate place to do so.
Years ago, my dear friends and colleagues Seema, Fahim, and I went to a summit in Toronto. This is a place we'd been before—a meeting of the minds with influencers, coaches, motivators, and thought leaders from all over the world coming together to share inspiration and motivation. At this one particular summit, Todd Herman spoke. He's the author of The Alter Ego Effect, a book I highly recommend you purchasing and devouring.
I remember Todd giving the example of a pair of glasses he purchased, not because he needed glasses, but because he needed an identifier to help his brain know what role he was in at what time. He'd put the glasses on when he was at work, telling himself that he's now in his work role and that's where his mind and focus should be. Then, he had a bracelet that his child had made for him and, when he was headed home, he'd take off his glasses and put on his bracelet, signifying that now he's on family time and his mind and focus absolutely needed to be there, 100 percent.
I've thought about that lesson a lot. It's helped me put up proper boundaries in my own life. After selling my store, Uncle Marty's Shipping Office, in New York in 2023 and now being semi-retired, coaching with AYM High Consultants and working with my writing and editing clients part time (and, deep secret, also working on my first book) while I enjoy my new digs in Delaware near family, life is indeed easier to manage because I'm free of the retail hours demand on my time and the responsibility of managing a team and a busy shipping, storage, and printing facility. But boundaries are still very much needed to keep me sane.
Boundaries I've set for myself include the removal of all email, social media, and messaging notifications from my phone, other than text messages. I now check emails and socials when I can on my own time, but I don't let them wake me up or distract me from what I need to be focusing on at any given moment. I've also kept my cell number very private, and my coaching clients know that if they need to get a hold of me, they must reach out to the AYM High phone or email and then the team will bring me in as needed, when I'm free. It's a total game-changer! I'm so much more focused, productive, and frankly free to enjoy my new life, nearby beaches, travel, and be with family without the constant interruptions, but yet carve out the appropriate time each day, as needed, to handle what I need to for my clients.
I've had the privilege and pleasure of knowing you for a long time, and I know what a dedicated, diligent, and devout person you are to both your business and your family. You're doing great! But I also know the pressures that come with everything on your plate. I've been there. We're not exactly the same, as you have kids that need you and I never had any children, but you also have a spouse that helps in your business as a partner, and I never had that. So, while I understand on many levels, I admit that those key differences do make our situations a bit separate; the solution though remains the same: healthy, enforced boundaries.
Boundaries also encompass knowing your limits. You can't be everything, everywhere, all at once. You're kind of superhuman in a way, if you allow me to say so, and I admire that about you a whole lot, but don't forget the last part of that: you're still human. You're building a team now and that's wonderful—essential to your business growth and scaling. But how much trust and empowerment are you putting in that team?
You know Clark, my five-year team member and former Store Manager at Uncle Marty's who ended up buying the business from me with his wife, Codey Noel. It was he and his siblings, Aleah and Callum, and his mom, Julie, all of whom worked with me, along with many other of their friends, family, and others, who taught me the value of trust.
When Clark became Store Manager, he took so much off my plate...and for that I'll be forever grateful. He allowed me to build an office in the back of the store (out of cardboard, because that's how we do in our industry) and therefore transferring the face of the business—the person / team everyone always saw when they entered—from me to him and his crew. That basic step was very hard for me, as my desk traditionally was always in view of everyone. In the business-building phase, that was important, as I had to establish myself as the owner, shopkeeper, and go-to community liaison for the business, but once it got to the point where the team took over as the visual, I was free to really focus and get so much more done in my little back-of-store cardboard cubby.
Clark and team soon also started taking over as the business face at events and networking groups. Eventually, people stopped coming in and always asking if Marty was available, and instead they asked for Clark, Julie, Aleah, Callum, Ryan, Carter, Elijah, or any of the other crew with whom they'd become familiar working with and trusting. I remember the first time I came up to the front of the store after a while of this and met a client who had become a regular for the first time. She looked at me and said, "You mean there's a real Uncle Marty!?" She thought that was just a mascot or a McDonald's-style business name. That interaction made me so, so happy. That was my goal: to turn the Uncle Marty's brand away from being associated with Uncle Marty himself and into a name associated with local shipping, storage, and printing solutions. In fact, that brand built up so much value that when Clark and Codey took over as owners, the name is what had the most value to them; in fact, they plan to open a couple more locations and build that brand into a true local chain very quickly.
All of this required me letting go of having to read and check over every email, approve and price and display every new product, attend every networking event, personally show up at every sponsored event, and more. It eventually led to the brand taking off at a new pace and the team being so interested in it that I was able to sell to Clark and Codey and semi-retire in my mid-40s. It took a whole lot of trust in my team, some hard boundary setting on my part, and faith that there was a bigger picture and plan at play. I am so, so grateful.
At AYM High Consultants, the coaching enterprise my colleagues and I launched last year that has totally exploded with amazing results and feedback since, we often advise our clients—AYM High Soarers—on setting appropriate boundaries. So often, we see people trying to please everyone, staying up late to answer their guests' and clients' emails, giving out their personal cell numbers to anyone, any time, so that the same can bother them day or night, and generally not respecting themselves enough to tell people, "I'm available during business hours and will be glad to assist you as best I can then." We constantly help AYM High Soarers not only find the right people to allow boundaries to be enforced (and therefore effective), but also help them trust the amazing teams they build to let themselves let go of what they don't need to be spending their precious time, focus, and energy on, as only then can a business truly go from good to great—to soar!
If you need more help, my team and I would love to help. Check out this video (https://youtu.be/ZHb8ISQGU0A) on the importance of having a mentor and coach, and reach out any time—just know that, even though I care about you tremendously and will do all I can to help you, I won't reply to you outside of the times I've allowed myself to do so. #Boundaries
With care,
Uncle Marty
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Marty Johnson is the Communication and Vision Coach at AYM High Consultants, a columnist, and an editor, producing the mail and business center industry's leading magazine, MBC Today. In 2023, he sold his popular and growing brand, Uncle Marty’s Shipping Office, and retired from shopkeeper life to focus on writing and coaching. Subscribe to his Ask Uncle Marty™ newsletter and read more at askunclemarty.com; follow him on socials @askunclemarty. #AskUncleMarty
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The is Ask Uncle Marty™ letter was also published on aymhigh.com on April 28, 2025, and is slated to be published in the regular Ask Uncle Marty™ column in MBC Today Volume 27 Issue 3 (May / June 2025) on May 2, 2025.
