Today begins a new year. As is traditional, even if a little
cliché, this is the time of year when we look back…and look forward. New
Year's Eve and New Year's Day are all about fresh beginnings, reflection, and
resolutions; they're about change, reform, and generally trying to be better.
This past year, I’ve shared a number of pieces in my column that touch on faith. I felt moved to share some of my thoughts, feelings, interpretations,
opinions, and more about a lot of different topics and had been keeping dozens
of pages of notes on the subject. There have been a lot of important conversations and changes happening in and around my faith community the past year or two, triggered by some horrific revelations of abuse that occurred. Those revelations were shocking and the stories that have surfaced are heartbreaking. My experience in my community has been mostly very positive and I have a hard time understanding what some other people say they experienced, with spirits of control and rules being what they felt rather than spirits of love and freedom in the simple gospel story. I can’t speak to others’ history, but only my own, though have thought a lot about what has been shared and have resolved to check my own spirit much more closely as a result to try to rid it of more wrong things that could hurt or exclude other people.
As a result of the discussions I continue to have with so many others in my community and with many of those who have moved on from it, I had also created a few articles that I didn’t publish. One of the unpublished essays I sent to
my sister and her comment to me was that she appreciated my sharing it, but that I "never have to defend [my] faith to
anyone." That spoke volumes to me. So, I deleted it, but eventually found myself
writing defensively again and, before I knew it, I had finished another article that
clocked in at 11 pages, single-spaced, in 11-point Calibri font. I read,
re-read, and was about to publish it when my heart told me to stop. It wasn't
right. It was too negative and didn't jive with my mission to share positivity.
It may have been how I was feeling, therefore valid and important for me to write for myself in a therapeutic sense, but it was also potentially very dangerous if shared. I recently
studied in the book of James and it has been very good for me to have reminders
about how much damage our tongues can do. While words can be forgiven, they can't be unsaid. So, I deleted that article too.
I saw a post from someone the other day that they
"wanted to be more Christlike" and then defined that by saying (and
I'm paraphrasing because I don't remember it word-for-word) that they wanted to
"hang out with sinners," "upset religious people,"
"trust women to lead," "make unpopular friends," "be
kind and loving to all humanity," and "take naps on boats." I
thought that was great. I know it was partly tongue-in-cheek, but dang were there some
truths there!
I’ve shared before that I often shy away from calling myself a "Christian," as that
word has been bogarted by a religious world and a political movement with which
I strongly disagree on many points. Let me be clear that the term “Christian” is, at its base definition, what I am and what I believe, because it simply means to be a follower of Christ, but the label is often associated in many minds with things that are not Christlike—harmful ideologies, as I've written about before, that cause harm to or exclude entire groups of people, sow fear, prejudice, racism, and anti-LGBTQ ignorance and hate, disenfranchise women, cause people to distrust science, and more.
I have good friends who invited me to their
church for a service recently and they don't use the word "Christian" much
either for the same reasons, but rather they simply call themselves
"students of Christ." I liked that a lot. And I think, in my heart (and yes, I said that correctly, as sometimes we need to think with our hearts and not our easily-confused minds), that that's really the goal for many people of similar faith: trying to be more like Christ in attitude and spirit, and using that as the compass through which one navigates life. It’s a tall order. Few there be that nail it.
The spirit of Christ is defined in one place as having the characteristics of love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Those were the
key elements of what made/make Jesus so wonderful and are what, I believe, God wants to see in people. It's really that simple. God wants
to create a family of people who are Christlike in their spirits. And I believe God does
that across all faiths, groups, cultures, time, demographics, identities, levels of
privilege, and so much more. Honest hearts doing the best with what they know are what God seeks.
I was a pastor for a little less than two years, 20-some years ago. My first co-pastor was an older man in his 80s who took me aside early on and reminded me to be very careful about qualifying or excluding or judging people. He said, “Never get the idea that all of the people in our fellowship will go to Heaven, or that everyone in Heaven will have been part of our fellowship.” That’s what I was raised to believe and it was a great reinforcement for me to hear from him. It’s more about a person’s spirit and less about their denomination or affiliation. God loves all people, everywhere, regardless of circumstance. Faith is an ever-evolving thing for everyone who tries to understand more about things bigger than themselves.
I observed so much good in 2024, but also saw quite a bit of anger in people, particularly on socials. An election year while the world is erupting in conflict will do that. And I have been fighting some anger myself, trying hard to not to let it turn into bitterness and the
flailing results that that can produce. Anger isn't wrong and there's a time and
place for righteous anger, but when anger turns into bitterness it can be very
scary—a dark, slippery spiral that we imperfect humans are prone to go down. It really has to be kept
in check. I'm so grateful for those people in my life who have kept love, joy, and peace paramount, as those are the three characteristics of the Christlike spirit
that are listed first for a reason…and are the antidote to becoming embittered.
I'm very grateful for an upbringing by parents who lead with love and reason, and who instilled in my siblings and me an ability and a directive to
think critically about everything, especially faith, and to never follow anyone or anything blindly. We were encouraged to talk about things, question things, and take advice with many grains of salt (as I’ve also written about lately in some of those articles on faith, because one person’s truth, standards, or set of mores may not apply or be right for another person in another time, place, culture, or circumstance). My siblings and I were encouraged to make decisions for ourselves, be discerning,
and be respectful, but not be afraid to break the rules when the rules weren't okay in order to live lives according to the always-evolving moral compasses that we each have
inside. This past year has taught me what a true, rare blessing that upbringing
was and I can't be more appreciative for my outstandingly wonderful parents who made it clear that it was about your spirit and not about rules or customs. It brought so much freedom that I realize now many of my peers did not have or understand.
I'm grateful too that I've have the incredible opportunity to
live a life filled with some exploration and to now be semi-retired and working remotely as a columnist, editor, business coach, and consultant from wherever I need or want to be. It’s an incredible privilege and, though I worked my tail off to get here, I acknowledge that it’s a rare thing and something to never lose gratitude for. I love to travel and I love to try to understand a little bit about different people
and their frames of reference, cultures, religious practices, beliefs, and
societies. And I think that this is important for everyone to try to do more of, in whatever capacity they’re able for, in
order to break the bubbles so many people live in where they sometimes think that they're
right and everyone outside of their community is wrong. Instead, by observing,
talking, attending, and befriending people who may at first seem very different
than ourselves, we learn that this beautiful world is so much bigger, grander,
and more loving than we realized; that God's plan is so much bigger, grander,
and more loving than we initially may have understood. As recently-passed President
Jimmy Carter shared once, "The bond of our common humanity is stronger
than the divisiveness of our fears and prejudices." We need to live more
in the grey areas, as I've also written about this past year, and not try to qualify
everything as black or white, right or wrong, in or out, righteous or
unrighteous, holy or unholy, or good or evil. Most things are somewhere in the
middle, just as every single human is somewhere in the middle.
I recently listened to a podcast on apologists, or people
who try to find scripture to support a certain belief or dogma or set of
prejudices. If we have that attitude, we can find scripture—or, at least a
skewed translation of scripture—that supports our belief system. But I like
what The Happy Givers share sometimes in their social posts, “If you are using the Bible to argue for
oppression, exclusion, or violence, then you have misunderstood both the story
and the storyteller.” I believe most of us need to understand the big picture better and see
humanity as God sees it: complex, diverse, and beautiful in its complexity and
diversity.
One thing that has helped me, in addition to traveling and
trying to understand other faith communities more and the values they have, is to try to understand root scripture more and the context in which
it was written, audience it was meant for, time and culture during its
creation, who the actual authors may be, how it was translated over the years
to apologize for different ideologies, and more. I listen to a ton of podcasts,
but two I really like that have been helpful in this regard are Biblical
Time Machine and Data Over Dogma. I don't always agree with
everything shared, but that's okay. The point isn't to agree or to be converted, but rather the point is to try to understand more perspectives so we can form our own
beliefs and not just simply subscribe to a pre-determined, apologetic set of standards.
Similarly, just because we're part of a faith community doesn't mean that we have to agree
with everyone in it or follow along with every directive that someone may try
to give us. As one of my mentors often shares, we need to “pick the roses and leave the thorns.” Any faith group will have those who get funny ideas or take scripture out of context, knowingly or unknowingly sharing harmful ideologies. I see it everywhere and in the majority of faith communities I’m familiar with, and it inevitably leads to abuse, control, and heartbreak—completely non-Christlike things. Those are the thorns. They grow with the roses, but when the roses are harvested the thorns are stripped away to make a beautiful bouquet. So call the thorns out and do the work to make changes so they can be stripped away, but don’t dwell on them to the point that you no longer see the roses. Be the change. Check your own spirit. We are responsible for our own actions, reactions, and inactions, but when we obsess so much over other people’s actions, reactions, or inactions then we sometimes can forget to watch our own.
In my faith community, our pastors are meant to be guides—rabbinic-like in their advising and coaching, but not authoritative. That got out of whack for a while, but I see it changing and it’s such a beautiful thing to behold. Recently, one of our pastors told us that she and her co-pastors have resolved to “no longer legislate,” and that made my heart so happy. As a result, people aren't walking on eggshells around our ministers nearly as much and it's creating a much more open and honest fellowship. It's helping to break the bubbles so many pastors and others existed in, and it is awesome to see! People are realizing that the ministry needs to the people just as much as the people need the ministry; that checks and balances are necessary to strip away thorns before they turn into ridiculous customs. I saw a quote lately that said, "Most adults I know aren't looking for a religion that answers all of their questions, but rather a
community of faith in which they feel safe to ask them." I'm glad that
that has been often my experience and it's why I love my community so much—not
because it's anywhere near perfect, but
because the majority of the people in it, in my experience, have a measure of a good spirit and
are open to learning and growing and becoming better together.
I'm so grateful for beautiful people in my life and in our world who lead with gratitude and show qualities of a spirit that I want more of. Gratitude is a buzzword that I have shared a lot lately in
my writing and coaching and also a buzzword that is very popular and trendy in the
personal and business coaching worlds that I'm a part of. It's an important
word too, as living in gratitude and focusing on the roses truly is a secret to a happy life. It allows,
as someone said recently, "whatever you have to be enough." In regard to spirit, the late, great President Carter said,
"Spirit is like the wind, in that we can't see it but can see its effects,
which are profound." As a Carter baby, I've always had a soft spot for the
late president, appreciating the spirit he showed in his kindness after leaving
office, his service, his quiet leadership, and his non-dogmatic and what seems to have been very sincere faith.
The sign at the Methodist church down the street recently said, “God has a plan. Love your neighbor.” There’s another Methodist church nearby that displayed a sign saying, “God said, ‘Be still and know,’ not ‘Freak out and question everything.’” I don’t know what it is about Southern Delaware Methodists and their awesome signage, but to them and to their messages I say, “Amen, my sisters, brothers, and others.” Let God work out the big stuff while we just focus on the love stuff. Question people, gently, but don't question God. As a dear friend said so perfectly when she comforted me during a moment of heartbreak last year, "The story isn't over yet."
So, for 2025, my resolution is to be more grateful, to stop and smell the roses, and to
lead with a spirit that has more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I need more of all of that in my life. We're
all imperfect humans, but with a little bit more of the right spirit—the Christlike spirit—we can be
just slightly better versions of imperfect humans…and that’s what God wants to
see.
...
As in all of my writings, essays, and column shares, what
has been shared here is my own opinion. Yours may be different. And that’s
okay. This essay is formed by my own current beliefs as they stand now,
understanding also that belief and faith are ever-evolving things and that I
want to remain open to wherever the future takes me.
…
Addendum on January 8, 2025:
After sharing this on New Year’s Day, in response I’ve had
some more great chats with some people I’m close to about more of their
experience in my faith community. I didn’t realize just how strong and how prolific
the harmful ideology of exclusivity (or “we’re right and everyone else is
therefore wrong”) was. While
most people I’ve talked to didn’t/don’t feel this way, certainly entirely too
many did. It has really been a heartbreaking reality to face, so I’ve been trying
to understand what they felt/feel a little better and how it could have gotten to
such an extreme place.
Perhaps at the root of the issue are some very dangerous
terms used too commonly in a wrong context by some people in our community. People
sometimes refer to other people in our group as “the saints” and the group, since
we don’t have an official charter or name, as the “truth” or the “way.” That’s a misuse of terms and, as such, a lot of misunderstanding has
resulted.
“Saints” in a biblical sense are simply people who are
following Jesus and have the spirit of Christ. I don’t believe it’s up to
humans to qualify who is and who isn’t a saint. That’s judging, and judgment is
reserved for God alone.
The ”truth” and “way” very clearly are referred to in the
gospels as being Jesus—simply and exclusively Jesus. Jesus is the truth. Jesus
is the way. When we try to be part of the truth and the way, we’re simply trying to be
like Christ; trying to have a Christlike spirit. That’s what the narrow way with
few that be that find it is: living with a Christlike spirit.
I believe that “the church” refers in a global sense to people in any place and time who God feels are doing the best with what they know. So, it’s not for us to
decide who’s part of that church and who’s not, but just for God to know and
determine. Then “churches,” or individual faith
communities or groups, are many, and each one has people who live with good
spirits and those who don’t.
What I’ve come to realize is that, in many cases, instead of people feeling
like they want to opt in to a fellowship with others who are trying to be
better versions of themselves, too many, particularly from families who have been part of a tradition for generations, instead feel/felt a lot of pressure to not opt
out. For too many, it was a push and not a draw, and with that push came a lot of expectations. I’m from a family with only a few family members who participate in my particular fellowship and the majority/rest of my family members are either part of other traditions or have other belief structures. I think that has helped me understand that it’s
about individual service and spirit and not about participation or tradition. For
me to think with exclusivity about my faith community would mean that the majority of my family and friends were excluded from God's family…and
that’s neither a belief I have, nor a thought process I’m willing to entertain.
When I was a pastor 20-ish years ago, my co-pastors and I visited
a lot with people about the history of our fellowship. At the time, there was a
very wrong idea going around that we had existed since the time of Jesus and
were a continuation of the apostleship and church/churches that Jesus established.
Over and over again, we tried to set that record straight because there is definitely
no line of continuation. While we do try to model things after the apostolic ministry
and home-church example we read about in the New Testament, our group was in
fact started in the 1800s in Ireland and spread from there.
Some of the first ministers in our community way back then, while likely initially well-intended, went a little (or a lot) crazy and did some terrible things,
which is a pattern that continues to this day, as is obvious from the abuse we’ve
now realized had gone on for so long. And, if it’s an apostolic model, then that’s
spot-on because one of the original 12 apostles also went a little crazy and
did some very harmful things…and the remaining 11 were anything but perfect,
full of opinions and basic humanity, but I believe genuinely trying their best
with their limitations and good intentions. The point is not to follow anyone
in the ministry, but for the ministry simply to point people to Jesus, the only
safe example to follow.
Some religious history textbooks refer to my faith community as a “restoration
movement,” and I think that describes it the best. It’s definitely a unique
thing, well-intended, trying its best to get back to the basics and the roots,
though full of humans and therefore very prone to religious tendencies,
self-righteousness, harmful ideologies that include some who think in terms of exclusivity, and all of the other things we see in scripture over and
over again and in all other faith communities the world over. In fact, many
faith communities, religions, and churches claim that they are “God’s true
church” and whatnot. Exclusivity is a common theme in many belief systems. It’s
not right, but it’s common. It’s human nature. It’s narrow thinking.
I shared in my Wednesday Wisdom today (an Instagram post I’ve
done every Wednesday for 13 and a half years now), a quote from an unknown
author and it simply says, “Don’t ruin an apology with an excuse.” An old
friend messaged me after I shared it and said, “I like your post today, but I
actually go a step further. I don't allow my kids (the only humans that I can
really influence) to apologize. I ask them to acknowledge the impact on the
other person and then share how they'll change their behavior so that it
doesn't happen again. I find that apologies are primarily for the person who is
apologizing.” Wow! I love that. It's so true and so poignant.
So, in that spirit, in my ramblings here that I intend to be
more of a working-through-it process for me to sort out my own core beliefs and history and not to be defensive or dogmatic, I
feel it’s very important to acknowledge and genuinely apologize if anything I
said while in a pastoral role, or since in a lay role, ever lead anyone to
believe that I felt that anyone outside of our faith community wasn’t worthy of God’s love. I
hope I never felt that; I hope it was never inferred from my preaching or
visiting, but if it was then I am truly, sincerely sorry. I am intent on
watching my terminology, attitude, and spirit going forward.
My intention in the ministry and now in whatever role I hold or place I find myself in was and is to simply share what I love with
others. I do love Christ and I do love the core model of our imperfect little restoration movement in
many regards, though fully understand so many of the flaws brought on by us
humans who participate in it. The thorns indeed grow with the roses. It’s not about
being perfect, but it’s about becoming better. The reforms I see in so many
hearts lately are encouraging. The spirit is working overtime and, while there
is resistance from some not leading with love and joy, the work being done by
those who indeed are leading with those traits—both those who have stayed in
fellowship and those who have understandably moved on—is creating a much more
back-to-the-spirit-basics group where people are much more chill and much less worried
about conforming or converting. I hope this re-energized spirit will continue, putting effort into working
through harm done, making amends, acknowledging missteps, and moving forward
better.
As a stubborn optimist, I have a whole lot of hope, despite a world that literally and figuratively is on fire, that goodness will win out in the end. I know it will. That's a promise. There will be justice for all who have been hurt, harmed, excluded, and mistreated. I believe that and trust in that, but also acknowledge that I—that we—have a lot of work yet to do. Let's do it with love. Let's do it with joy. And let's do it with a mission to promote peace.
...
For those interested, here are some more pieces I wrote last
year that touch on faith and humanity:
Sparrows: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/02/sparrows.html
Good-Neighborliness: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/01/good-neighborliness.html
Compass: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/11/compass.html
Wednesday Evenings with Gary: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/04/wednesday-evenings-with-gary.html
Lady Wisdom: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/02/lady-wisdom.html
Difficult People: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/06/difficult-people.html
Just Give It a Minute: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/03/just-give-it-minute.html
...
Marty Johnson is the Communication and Vision Coach
at
AYM High Consultants, a columnist, and an editor, producing
the mail and business center industry's leading magazine,
MBC Today. In 2023, he sold his popular and growing
brand, Uncle Marty’s Shipping Office, and retired from shopkeeper life to focus
on writing and consulting.
Subscribe to his free Ask Uncle Marty™ newsletter and read
more at askunclemarty.com;
follow him on socials @askunclemarty.
#AskUncleMarty
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