Friday, March 21, 2025

Quality, Service, and...Low Price?

The following is an article I wrote for my coaching group, AYM High Consultants, published on aymhigh.com on March 18, 2025:



You can’t have it all, friends.

We’ve created the above Venn diagram to help illustrate a concept that we discuss with our AYM High Soarers (clients) day in and day out. You see, one thing our amazing Soarers often struggle with, just as we have all struggled with in our own businesses, is charging enough to allow themselves to provide the highest quality and service possible.

We all want to do our best by our guests and clients. That’s the mark of a good human—doing your best and giving of your best to others. And, because we are selective with who we bring on as Soarers, the people we choose and those who choose us generally have this mindset. They know that givers gain.

But to provide top-notch quality and top-notch service, you absolutely need to have top-notch prices. The Venn diagram does not overlap on all three, so you need to pick two. You can have quality and low price, but then you sacrifice service. Or, you can have service and low price, but then sacrifice quality. The best option? By far, it’s having quality and service, then having prices that reflect that.

Do you want to be known as the budget business? The cheap place? The discount store? No! You want the image of being the best, having the best quality, having the best service, and creating an experience for your guests and clients that is not only unmatched, but it leaves an impression on them that, as one of our dear friends and mentors Sarah often says, doesn’t just leave them satisfied, but creates in them loyal advocates who want to tell all of their friends and family about the exceptional quality and service they received.

Will you lose some clients if you ditch your cheap prices? You bet! And that’s good. They’re likely more transactional people who don’t value your quality and service like they should. Your core clientele are people whose most precious commodities are time and respect. They want to save time, trust experts to ease their own burdens, be respected, and do business with a respectable establishment. To your core clientele, price isn’t as important as you might think. As one of our dear friends often says, you need to shop with your core clientele’s wallet, not your own. And as AYM High Coach Steve often says, if you’re not losing a couple of guests per week because your prices are too high, then that means your prices are too low.

It's important to keep this in mind when choosing team members too. If your team member is constantly apologizing for your rates, then they need to go…or be seriously retrained and have their minds reframed. Your team needs to understand the value of quality and service that you provide and that your rates need to reflect that.

Does Louis Vuitton offer discounts? Does the Ritz compete with the Holiday Inn? Nope! They know they’re the best and they understand that their image depends on their rates and prices reflecting that quality.

At AYM High, we build superstar businesses. We don’t build budget businesses. We want you to soar, not coast, and so understanding the key concept of respecting yourself, respecting your quality, respecting your level of service, respecting the outstanding team you’ve built, respecting the well-appointed storefront you’ve created, respecting your overhead costs, respecting the fact that you pay your people higher-than-average salaries because you want the best and want them to thrive in their lives as well as in your store, and respecting the fact that you’re building an investment and not a just-get-by business, with your nest egg, your family’s needs and future, and your exit strategy depending on building the highest quality business possible.

What will you choose? Quality and low price? Service and low price? Or quality and service?

Thursday, March 6, 2025

March / April 2025 Edition of MBC Today

 



The March / April 2025 edition of MBC Today (Volume 27 Issue 2) just dropped. AMBC Members and AMBC Trusted Suppliers have access to the full version and the preview version is available to anyone to see at https://ambc4me.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/MBC-Today-Volume-27-Issue-2-Preview-Version.pdf.

Thank you to all who contributed to this issue of the retail print, mailbox, packing, shipping, and business center industry's leading publication, keeping both independent and franchise stores across the country up to date, in the loop, and networked together. It's a privilege to produce and edit this publication, but it's because of your hard work that it has such rich content.

I'll share my Letter From the Editor below. Enjoy!

...

Dear Readers,

Welcome to the March / April 2025 edition of MBC Today! I'm very excited about this issue and the extraordinary content we have for you to devour.

The most recent AMBC event in Pensacola, Diversify to Fly in 2025, was a huge success. It was one of the very few AMBC events I've missed in my long career in this industry and, let me tell you, the FOMO is real! I was so engaged reading Crysta's wrap-up article that's featured in this issue and am looking forward to seeing my AMBC friends and family again soon at future events, including what looks to be a great Mile High Marketing Summit hosted by AMBC in September in Colorado.

Tommy's article, Let's Talk Numbers, is very informative. Thank you to all of the stores who willingly shared data so that an important industry study could be done and individuals can see where they compare in sales, pricing, margins, and even store size.

I'm thrilled that AMBC is featuring Sydni and Wil in the AMBC Members Spotlight in this issue. It's been my sincere pleasure to get to know them on monthly coaching calls this past year and they are truly killing it at their business. Their ambition, clarity of direction, ultra professionalism in communication, and extremely sharp marketing prowess in utilizing both analog and digital means to reach their clientele through relationship building is so inspiring. I continue to learn from them and consider them to be amazing mentors. They consistently give back in the AMBC Members Facebook Group and have even hosted a free marketing webinar, open to all AMBC Members and AYM High Soarers. I hope you can get to know this power couple better through their feature in this issue.

The article on lithium batteries has been a while in the making, and I must express deep gratitude to all of our friends and colleagues who helped with the research. The advice in it is intended to be conservative and on the safe side, as when it comes to anything hazardous or classified as dangerous goods, it's imperative that shipping stores do not take risks that aren't worth taking. We hope the infographic that's available to download will be a useful guide for AMBC Members and MBC Today readers.

Finally, thank you to Norman for his excellent article and to all of the other contributors who have made this another great edition of MBC Today. This magazine is for AMBC Members and by AMBC Members, so we hope to hear from each and every one of you when you have an idea to share.

With gratitude and care,









Marty Johnson (he/him)

Columnist | Ask Uncle Marty™
Editor & Producer | MBC Today
Founder | Uncle Marty's Shipping Office
Communication & Vision Coach | AYM High Consultants
Co-Host | To-Be-Announced Podcast Launching Soon(ish)

askunclemarty.com · @askunclemarty · #AskUncleMarty

Hunger and Hustle

 


We’re officially 15 months into our coaching enterprise, AYM High Consultants. It’s been quite a ride so far! Our client list continues to grow, and with it our advocates, five-star reviews, recommendations, and interest. We’ve far exceeded our initial goals and expected timeline and have worked with clients from coast to coast and many places in-between on Zoom coaching calls, at training weekends at our headquarters and training facility, and on a number of onsite visits at clients’ businesses across the country. We’ve presented and tabled at many conferences, summits, and expos and even hosted a sold-out event of our own. Indeed, our first 15 months of this venture have been very full…and we are so very grateful.

One thing that has stood out to us among our many outstanding, superstar clients is the absolute need of two things: hunger and hustle. You need at least one of those to really be successful in business, and to make your investment in working with a coach have an incredible return. Without one or both of these things, no amount of coaching or just plain luck will be able to sustain a business very long.

Hunger is a need. It’s a driving force that moves you to do whatever you need to do because you simply must make it work. Hunger is having a personal investment in your business, a family that is depending on you to be successful, and/or something to prove. Hunger can’t be taught; it can’t be given or bought. Hunger is one of those things that either you have or you don’t.

Most of our clients are hungry. It’s a very common trait among entrepreneurs. And when we started our own businesses, we were hungry too. We had to do it. We were driven to do it because of our hunger.

Most of our clients are hustlers. They don’t just work hard, but they work smart. They know where to spend their energy, acknowledge the things they don’t know and need help with, and understand that they can’t do it all themselves and must build a team around them using our colleague Steve’s “Who’s on Your Bus?” philosophy of finding the right people for the right positions.

What is detrimental to a business is the lack of either hunger or hustle. We’ve had a handful of clients in this spot, and unfortunately without those drivers they’re just not going to soar as high as those who possess those qualities. Some are just doing it because they felt obligated by family, were put in a position of business ownership because of an inheritance, or are just going through the motions because they don’t know what else to do.

Without hunger or hustle in the fuel tank, many people just coast. They sometimes make enough to cover expenses, but aren’t pushing harder to build a nest egg or build a business that will be attractive to sell one day. They don’t go the extra mile. They don’t close up shop and then go out and seek new clients. They don’t attend networking events. They don’t look for bigger contracts or dream about what could be possible if they just put in a little more energy. Instead, they simply exist. They survive, sometimes, but often don’t make it in the long run. No amount of coaching, teaching, training, or encouragement seems to get them to put in that extra oomph that separates the good from the great.

We’re so grateful that the majority of our clients are hustlers and many too are hungry. They have an inner drive and something to prove that they work their tails off…smartly. They don’t spin their wheels on things that don’t matter, but they find the right people and put them in the right positions so that they can spend their time working on the business instead of working in the business. They know the value of having a coach and they take that coaching seriously, understanding it's an investment that can have incredible return…if they do the work.

We’ve learned, as coaches, to seek those types of clients. Because demand has been so great for our services, we’re now much more careful of the clients we take on. We screen them just as much as they screen us to make sure we’re a good match and that they’re the types of hungry, hustling people who are indeed coachable and ready to dig in and really soar.

We’ve worked with many types of clients these last 15 months, and in many years of coaching pro bono before we officially launched AYM High, and we’re so grateful for the majority who have made us so proud with their hunger and hustle and the abundance that that creates in return.

#AYMHigh #LetsSoar

 


Fahim Mojawalla is the Motivation and Mission Lead at AYM High Consultants. He loves what he does and would love to show you how to make 21st century sales and marketing easy, simply by being authentic, appreciative, respectful, responsive, empathetic, collaborative, and all-around awesome. Along with his wife Seema, he is an effervescent co-owner of Island Ship Center, the Spa of Shipping. #FahimFix

 

...

Marty Johnson is the Communication and Vision Coach at AYM High Consultants, a columnist, and an editor, producing the mail and business center industry's leading magazine, MBC Today. In 2023, he sold his popular and growing brand, Uncle Marty’s Shipping Office, and retired from shopkeeper life to focus on writing and coaching. Subscribe to his Ask Uncle Marty™ newsletter and read more at askunclemarty.com; follow him on socials @askunclemarty. #AskUncleMarty


...

Article co-published on aymhigh.com and askunclemarty.com on March 6, 2025.


Friday, February 21, 2025

Dizzelbizzel

 


There’s a very common term that I find myself using by default, but frankly think it’s just gross and distasteful. You know the phrase. It’ “d----bag” and refers to those people who are generally d--chy, obnoxious, and out of touch—posers and hosers who think they’re all that, but generally have little self-awareness and don't understand how creepy and gross they really come across.

Need an example? Think Patrick Schwarzenegger's character in the latest (third) season of White Lotus. As of the day of this posting, only the first episode has dropped so far, but my goodness if he doesn't play epitome, spot-on model of the d--chiest d----bag ever.

I used “d--chy” the other day in a conversation with colleagues and immediately regretted it. Our team tries to be very careful in professional conversations to avoid any curse words or anything distasteful, and while “d--chy” isn’t necessarily a swear word, it’s certainly vulgar and quite distasteful and it doesn’t make me happy to say it. To my credit, I used the phrase appropriately (in my opinion) as an adjective to describe a social media influencer whom my colleagues love but I find to be quite the tool.

For years, I’ve wanted a less gross phrase to replace “d----bag” and “d--chy.” I’ve googled alternatives and none that come up seem to fit as well as the original term. So, I’ve decided to Snoopify the terms and coin substitute phrases and want to share them with y’all in case maybe someone else may find them useful.

Instead of “d----bag,” the term used to describe the individual, I’m going to start saying “dizzelbizzel.” Instead of “d--chy,” the term to describe a dizzelbizzel’s behavior, I’m going to start saying “dizzely.” And instead of “d----baggery,” the term to describe all things dizzely in general, I’m going to start saying “dizzelbizzelgery.”

We all need to swear less. Nothing is more of a turnoff in a colleague, friend, coach, or mentor than constant pottymouthery. It’s just dizzely and people who swear too often are total dizzelbizzels, in my opinion. There’s no need for it.

Don’t get me wrong, an expletive perfectly placed for point punctuation on rare occasions can have a dramatic, impactful effect and I’m not opposed to that—if done very sparingly. But, more often than not, it’s simply dizzely. Choosing less dizzely behavior and language will put you in a position of much more respect and trust, and give your advice or commentary much more weight. 

I can't begin to count how many fellow business coaches and influencers I've been around who drop too many obscenities in their speaking and how many have totally ruined any good advice they may have because of their classless language. Some keep it high-brow in public, but then when you have alone time with them or are in a smaller group together, they let all of the f-bombs and more fly. It really taints things.

I know this sounds prudish, and those who know me well know I have can have a very dark and sometimes filthy sense of humor, which frankly I very much enjoy and for which there is a time and a place, but when in a professional environment it's just not appropriate.

So, don’t be a dizzelbizzel, spouting dizzely phrases and doing dizzely things in all of your dizzelbizzelgery, but rather choose to be a little bit classier. It works. And I’m going to try harder at being less of a dizzelbizzel myself.

Tuesday, January 7, 2025

Authenticity and Leadership

 


My colleague, mentor, and BFAM (brother from another mother) Fahim sent me a podcast to listen to the other day, as he and I often do to encourage each other and share information, inspiration, and ideas to continue our individual growth, as well as the growth of our independent and collaborative business ventures. It’s episode 69 of Conversations with Loulou, in which host Loulou Khazen interviews Steven Bartlett at the Sharjah Entrepreneurship Festival on February 4, 2024.

The podcast description describes Steven as follows: “Steven is a celebrity in the world of podcasts, his podcast the Diary of a CEO gets 50 million monthly downloads and is the number one podcast in Europe. Steven is a successful entrepreneur, investor and author. Steven is remarkably humble, his passion is grounded in pragmatism and his story truly inspiring, a self-made, self-taught immigrant from Botswana to the U.K. who made the best out of his privileges and continues to build and be at the helm of successful ventures.”

I’ve listened to Diary of a CEO quite a few times. The episodes are longer than most podcasts (often over two hours each), so are an investment of time for sure. But, they’re always worth it in the value that bring. This episode of Conversations with Loulou is only 50 minutes long, and I highly recommend that everyone invest that time in listening to it—especially any entrepreneurs or those who are building teams, businesses, and products.

The full conversation can be watched here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHamDLiiZxs

Here are my notes from this episode and conversation: Conversations with Loulou Podcast #69: A conversation with Steven Bartlett on Fame, Authenticity, And Leadership

  • Steven Bartlett is an investor on Dragon's Den (The U.K.'s Shark Tank), author (Diary of a CEO and Happy Sexy Millionaire), podcaster (Diary of a CEO), and entrepreneur in venture funding, tech, publishing, and more.
  • Any leader or public figure has to find their own way to encourage calm among the chaos. You can't get too carried away with the highs, therefore you won't get too carried away with the lows. If you open yourself up to the applause, you also open yourself up to the boos.
  • It's hard to do anything in life without getting both sides of the feedback ("You're the worst person that ever lived." or "You're the best person that ever lived.") Both of those are not useful. If you want to be healthy, you need to find systems and ways to keep calm in the chaos. It's not natural for millions of people to have access to you and message you on a Sunday morning, so we need to remember to pull it back to our tribe like in prehistoric times and just focus on the messages from them.
  • The bridge to connection is vulnerability. It's not a repellant, but rather it's a magnet. Set down the walls of ego and pride and form bonds. It's not just a great tactic for connection, but it's healthy for the individuals doing it too. In content, be careful about too many margaritas on beaches in Hawaii, but rather show your real self as well. Be authentic and vulnerable.
  • In moments of tremendous difficulty, you need to empathize with how your team is feeling.
  • Happy Sexy Millionaire: Unexpected Truths about Fulfilment, Love and Success is the title of Steven's most recent book, which is a "mousetrap" to get people to open it up because it sounds aspirational, but inside it's not an aspiration to be him, but an encouragement to be yourself. You can't become anyone you admire, as you don't have their trauma, their family, their history, etcetera, but rather the only person you can become is the best version of yourself. No one can replicate your curiosity.
  • None of us have the core components of being Steve Jobs, but we can all learn lessons from Steve Jobs. And that's how we have to look at and think about and learn from anyone to whom we aspire to be like.
  • People buy from people.
  • According to physicist Richard Feynman, "If you want to accelerate your learning, you have to create an obligation to teach others."
  • Take the thing you've learned and reduce it down and simplify it to the level of a 10-year-old. If people understand what you said, then that means that you understand it yourself.
  • If we're happy alone, we'll be happy together. Relationships and partnerships don't work the other way.
  • More introspection will accelerate the amount of intellect that you go up way more than others who don't have much introspection.
  • There are five buckets to life, which must be kept in the right order for the world to become your oyster. They must be done in the right order, because if you try to cheat the system, life will bring you back down to the level of your knowledge and skill.
    • Bucket 1: your knowledge
    • Bucket 2: the application of your knowledge, which are your skills
    • Bucket 3: your resources, which is what you obtain when you have advanced knowledge and skills
    • Bucket 4: your network, which is who you know
    • Bucket 5: your reputation, or what the world thinks of you
  • The first two buckets are yours and now one can take them away, but the last three the world can take away from you at any point in time.
  • The mistakes our parents make are part of our fundamental privilege.
  • For Steven, a huge amount of independence and a huge amount of shame caused a huge amount of experimentation, which built knowledge, and knowledge is power.
  • Where we end up in life isn't as much a product of our level of hard work and our good ideas, as is the thought of many, but rather it's a product of hiring the right people, providing them with a culture of value, setting in front of them a valuable mission, and to believe that one plus one equals three. The people you put around you are everything. Any leader needs to be involved heavily in the recruitment and hiring process, as that is any business's best asset. Exceptional people then hire exceptional people.
  • Be willing to pay someone two times what you pay someone else if they bring 50 times the value.
  • As a leader, your job isn't to be right, but your job is to be successful. Put people around you who challenge you, spar with you, and question you so you can become better, wiser, and more successful.
  • A bad hire may help you this week, but may cost you 18 months on average: six months to find them initially, six months realizing they're bad and putting them on probation and going through the let-go process, and then six months to find a new candidate. It's better to take seven months to hire someone than to waste 18 months with a bad hire.
  • When the data says that someone is wrong and that a process isn't working, then character and humility come in. Someone who isn't able to admit that they're wrong or change is a bad hire.
  • Steven has learned over the years on Dragon's Den that it's much better to invest in people than in ideas, which is a concept he shares with peer Barbara Corcoran. People who have been through trauma or faced adversity in their lives are able to create a plan and pivot when needed much easier than those who haven't.
  • Things that make a great guest on a podcast: expertise, a story, and if the host is curious about the person, their ideas, and their story.
  • Your audience is people who are curious about the same things as you. Understand your audience, as no one going to be is for everyone.
  • If someone gives you the power of their time to listen to you speak or read your writing, you must pause and consider and honor that. Remember to be grateful and happy about that.

 

This article was written for and published simultaneously for the Ask Uncle Marty™ column at askunclemarty.com and the AYM High blog at aymhigh.com on January 7, 2025.


...

Marty Johnson is the Communication and Vision Coach at AYM High Consultants, a columnist, and an editor, producing the mail and business center industry's leading magazine, MBC Today. In 2023, he sold his popular and growing brand, Uncle Marty’s Shipping Office, and retired from shopkeeper life to focus on writing and consulting.  

Subscribe to his free Ask Uncle Marty™ newsletter and read more at askunclemarty.com; follow him on socials @askunclemarty. 

#AskUncleMarty


Friday, January 3, 2025

January / February 2025 Edition of MBC Today

   


The January / February 2025 edition of MBC Today (Volume 27 Issue 1) just dropped. AMBC Members and AMBC Trusted Suppliers have access to the full version and the preview version is available to anyone to see at https://ambc4me.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/MBC-Today-Volume-27-Issue-1-Preview-Version.pdf

Thank you to all who contributed to this issue of the retail print, mailbox, packing, shipping, and business center industry's leading publication, keeping both independent and franchise stores across the country up to date, in the loop, and networked together. It's a privilege to produce and edit this publication, but it's because of your hard work that it has such rich content.

I'll share my Letter From the Editor below, as well as preview images of my Ask Uncle Marty column that follows later in the magazine, along with many other articles, on the locked members-only pages. Enjoy!

...

Dear Readers,

As we put in the masthead of every issue of MBC Today (see the pretty gold box to the left?), this magazine is your magazine. It's put together by AMBC Members for AMBC Members and we really want to hear more diverse, fresh, and nuanced voices in it. Please reach out with article ideas, column suggestions, your stories, your advice, your tidbits, and more. We would love to hear from you and include you as a writer in this industry-leading publication! Your voices are so important in our #MembersHelpingMembers organization.

Thank you to those who have submitted content for this issue. It is, as always, a pleasure to compile and produce. You'll see a From the Archives column appearing in this magazine for the first time in a few years, in which we re-share Crysta's awesome hiring advice from 2022. Crysta has taught classes and lead seminars on hiring and retention for many years and has, at her now-three Pack & Mail stores in Minnesota, collected on her team one of the most outstanding group of humans our industry has ever known. Her hiring and team building advice is truly sage, timeless, and definitely worth re-reading again and again.

Also in this issue, we're honoring a true veteran of our industry and an honored veteran of our country's armed forces, Steve Merrick. It's been my sincere pleasure to be one of Steve's mentees, to have known him for decades, and to be his colleague now with AYM High Consultants; my fellow coaches and I there are grateful that he, despite retirement, has agreed to remain a coach emeritus so we can still call on him when needed. Though, we certainly will be making sure he has plenty of time to golf as much as he wants. To the tribute article shared on the following pages, I want to add my thanks, appreciation, and commendation to Steve, Erin, and their family for all of their love, care, and incredible mentorship over the years. What a blessing. 

Finally, you'll see a push for AMBC's Pensacola event coming up really soon in February. Please attend if you're at all able. I have had the privilege of being part of this non-profit organization's events for many, many years and they always feed me great information, encourage me with wonderful peers, and expand my network with priceless contacts. They're important. Make the time to go, as it's not an expense but rather it's an investment that will certainly pay off if you put your heart into it. And take lots of notes!

Here's to an amazing 2025. May it allow us to move forward in fresh, joyful, healthy ways.

With gratitude and care,









Marty Johnson (he/him)

Columnist | Ask Uncle Marty™
Editor & Producer | MBC Today
Founder | Uncle Marty's Shipping Office
Communication & Vision Coach | AYM High Consultants
Co-Host | To-Be-Announced Podcast Launching Soon(ish)

askunclemarty.com · @askunclemarty · #AskUncleMarty





Wednesday, January 1, 2025

A Resolution

Today begins a new year. As is traditional, even if a little cliché, this is the time of year when we look back…and look forward. New Year's Eve and New Year's Day are all about fresh beginnings, reflection, and resolutions; they're about change, reform, and generally trying to be better.

This past year, I’ve shared a number of pieces in my column that touch on faith. I felt moved to share some of my thoughts, feelings, interpretations, opinions, and more about a lot of different topics and had been keeping dozens of pages of notes on the subject. There have been a lot of important conversations and changes happening in and around my faith community the past year or two, triggered by some horrific revelations of abuse that occurred. Those revelations were shocking and the stories that have surfaced are heartbreaking. My experience in my community has been mostly very positive and I have a hard time understanding what some other people say they experienced, with spirits of control and rules being what they felt rather than spirits of love and freedom in the simple gospel story. I can’t speak to others’ history, but only my own, though have thought a lot about what has been shared and have resolved to check my own spirit much more closely as a result to try to rid it of more wrong things that could hurt or exclude other people.

As a result of the discussions I continue to have with so many others in my community and with many of those who have moved on from it, I had also created a few articles that I didn’t publish. One of the unpublished essays I sent to my sister and her comment to me was that she appreciated my sharing it, but that I "never have to defend [my] faith to anyone." That spoke volumes to me. So, I deleted it, but eventually found myself writing defensively again and, before I knew it, I had finished another article that clocked in at 11 pages, single-spaced, in 11-point Calibri font. I read, re-read, and was about to publish it when my heart told me to stop. It wasn't right. It was too negative and didn't jive with my mission to share positivity. It may have been how I was feeling, therefore valid and important for me to write for myself in a therapeutic sense, but it was also potentially very dangerous if shared. I recently studied in the book of James and it has been very good for me to have reminders about how much damage our tongues can do. While words can be forgiven, they can't be unsaid. So, I deleted that article too.

I saw a post from someone the other day that they "wanted to be more Christlike" and then defined that by saying (and I'm paraphrasing because I don't remember it word-for-word) that they wanted to "hang out with sinners," "upset religious people," "trust women to lead," "make unpopular friends," "be kind and loving to all humanity," and "take naps on boats." I thought that was great. I know it was partly tongue-in-cheek, but dang were there some truths there!

I’ve shared before that I often shy away from calling myself a "Christian," as that word has been bogarted by a religious world and a political movement with which I strongly disagree on many points. Let me be clear that the term “Christian” is, at its base definition, what I am and what I believe, because it simply means to be a follower of Christ, but the label is often associated in many minds with things that are not Christlike—harmful ideologies, as I've written about before, that cause harm to or exclude entire groups of people, sow fear, prejudice, racism, and anti-LGBTQ ignorance and hate, disenfranchise women, cause people to distrust science, and more.

I have good friends who invited me to their church for a service recently and they don't use the word "Christian" much either for the same reasons, but rather they simply call themselves "students of Christ." I liked that a lot. And I think, in my heart (and yes, I said that correctly, as sometimes we need to think with our hearts and not our easily-confused minds), that that's really the goal for many people of similar faith: trying to be more like Christ in attitude and spirit, and using that as the compass through which one navigates life. It’s a tall order. Few there be that nail it.

The spirit of Christ is defined in one place as having the characteristics of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Those were the key elements of what made/make Jesus so wonderful and are what, I believe, God wants to see in people. It's really that simple. God wants to create a family of people who are Christlike in their spirits. And I believe God does that across all faiths, groups, cultures, time, demographics, identities, levels of privilege, and so much more. Honest hearts doing the best with what they know are what God seeks. 

I was a pastor for a little less than two years, 20-some years ago. My first co-pastor was an older man in his 80s who took me aside early on and reminded me to be very careful about qualifying or excluding or judging people. He said, “Never get the idea that all of the people in our fellowship will go to Heaven, or that everyone in Heaven will have been part of our fellowship.” That’s what I was raised to believe and it was a great reinforcement for me to hear from him. It’s more about a person’s spirit and less about their denomination or affiliation. God loves all people, everywhere, regardless of circumstance. Faith is an ever-evolving thing for everyone who tries to understand more about things bigger than themselves.

I observed so much good in 2024, but also saw quite a bit of anger in people, particularly on socials. An election year while the world is erupting in conflict will do that. And I have been fighting some anger myself, trying hard to not to let it turn into bitterness and the flailing results that that can produce. Anger isn't wrong and there's a time and place for righteous anger, but when anger turns into bitterness it can be very scary—a dark, slippery spiral that we imperfect humans are prone to go down. It really has to be kept in check. I'm so grateful for those people in my life who have kept love, joy, and peace paramount, as those are the three characteristics of the Christlike spirit that are listed first for a reason…and are the antidote to becoming embittered.

I'm very grateful for an upbringing by parents who lead with love and reason, and who instilled in my siblings and me an ability and a directive to think critically about everything, especially faith, and to never follow anyone or anything blindly. We were encouraged to talk about things, question things, and take advice with many grains of salt (as I’ve also written about lately in some of those articles on faith, because one person’s truth, standards, or set of mores may not apply or be right for another person in another time, place, culture, or circumstance). My siblings and I were encouraged to make decisions for ourselves, be discerning, and be respectful, but not be afraid to break the rules when the rules weren't okay in order to live lives according to the always-evolving moral compasses that we each have inside. This past year has taught me what a true, rare blessing that upbringing was and I can't be more appreciative for my outstandingly wonderful parents who made it clear that it was about your spirit and not about rules or customs. It brought so much freedom that I realize now many of my peers did not have or understand.

I'm grateful too that I've have the incredible opportunity to live a life filled with some exploration and to now be semi-retired and working remotely as a columnist, editor, business coach, and consultant from wherever I need or want to be. It’s an incredible privilege and, though I worked my tail off to get here, I acknowledge that it’s a rare thing and something to never lose gratitude for. I love to travel and I love to try to understand a little bit about different people and their frames of reference, cultures, religious practices, beliefs, and societies. And I think that this is important for everyone to try to do more of, in whatever capacity they’re able for, in order to break the bubbles so many people live in where they sometimes think that they're right and everyone outside of their community is wrong. Instead, by observing, talking, attending, and befriending people who may at first seem very different than ourselves, we learn that this beautiful world is so much bigger, grander, and more loving than we realized; that God's plan is so much bigger, grander, and more loving than we initially may have understood. As recently-passed President Jimmy Carter shared once, "The bond of our common humanity is stronger than the divisiveness of our fears and prejudices." We need to live more in the grey areas, as I've also written about this past year, and not try to qualify everything as black or white, right or wrong, in or out, righteous or unrighteous, holy or unholy, or good or evil. Most things are somewhere in the middle, just as every single human is somewhere in the middle.

I recently listened to a podcast on apologists, or people who try to find scripture to support a certain belief or dogma or set of prejudices. If we have that attitude, we can find scripture—or, at least a skewed translation of scripture—that supports our belief system. But I like what The Happy Givers share sometimes in their social posts, “If you are using the Bible to argue for oppression, exclusion, or violence, then you have misunderstood both the story and the storyteller.” I believe most of us need to understand the big picture better and see humanity as God sees it: complex, diverse, and beautiful in its complexity and diversity.

One thing that has helped me, in addition to traveling and trying to understand other faith communities more and the values they have, is to try to understand root scripture more and the context in which it was written, audience it was meant for, time and culture during its creation, who the actual authors may be, how it was translated over the years to apologize for different ideologies, and more. I listen to a ton of podcasts, but two I really like that have been helpful in this regard are Biblical Time Machine and Data Over Dogma. I don't always agree with everything shared, but that's okay. The point isn't to agree or to be converted, but rather the point is to try to understand more perspectives so we can form our own beliefs and not just simply subscribe to a pre-determined, apologetic set of standards.

Similarly, just because we're part of a faith community doesn't mean that we have to agree with everyone in it or follow along with every directive that someone may try to give us. As one of my mentors often shares, we need to “pick the roses and leave the thorns.” Any faith group will have those who get funny ideas or take scripture out of context, knowingly or unknowingly sharing harmful ideologies. I see it everywhere and in the majority of faith communities I’m familiar with, and it inevitably leads to abuse, control, and heartbreak—completely non-Christlike things. Those are the thorns. They grow with the roses, but when the roses are harvested the thorns are stripped away to make a beautiful bouquet. So call the thorns out and do the work to make changes so they can be stripped away, but don’t dwell on them to the point that you no longer see the roses. Be the change. Check your own spirit. We are responsible for our own actions, reactions, and inactions, but when we obsess so much over other people’s actions, reactions, or inactions then we sometimes can forget to watch our own.

In my faith community, our pastors are meant to be guides—rabbinic-like in their advising and coaching, but not authoritative. That got out of whack for a while, but I see it changing and it’s such a beautiful thing to behold. Recently, one of our pastors told us that she and her co-pastors have resolved to “no longer legislate,” and that made my heart so happy. As a result, people aren't walking on eggshells around our ministers nearly as much and it's creating a much more open and honest fellowship. It's helping to break the bubbles so many pastors and others existed in, and it is awesome to see! People are realizing that the ministry needs to the people just as much as the people need the ministry; that checks and balances are necessary to strip away thorns before they turn into ridiculous customs.

I saw a quote lately that said, "Most adults I know aren't looking for a religion that answers all of their questions, but rather a community of faith in which they feel safe to ask them." I'm glad that that has been often my experience in my community—not because it's anywhere near perfect, but because the majority of the people in it, in my experience, have a measure of a good spirit and are open to learning and growing and becoming better together. Yes, there are still some closed-minded jerks who have created and are still creating lots of problems because of their obtuseness, but those prickly people won't last forever. We can't let the thorns keep us from the roses, because it's all about the roses. Love always wins.

I'm so grateful for beautiful people in my life and in our world who lead with gratitude and show qualities of a spirit that I want more of. Gratitude is a buzzword that I have shared a lot lately in my writing and coaching and also a buzzword that is very popular and trendy in the personal and business coaching worlds that I'm a part of. It's an important word too, as living in gratitude and focusing on the roses truly is a secret to a happy life. It allows, as someone said recently, "whatever you have to be enough." In regard to spirit, the late, great President Carter said, "Spirit is like the wind, in that we can't see it but can see its effects, which are profound." As a Carter baby, I've always had a soft spot for the late president, appreciating the spirit he showed in his kindness after leaving office, his service, his quiet leadership, and his non-dogmatic and what seems to have been very sincere faith.

The sign at the Methodist church down the street recently said, “God has a plan. Love your neighbor.” There’s another Methodist church nearby that displayed a sign saying, “God said, ‘Be still and know,’ not ‘Freak out and question everything.’” I don’t know what it is about Southern Delaware Methodists and their awesome signage, but to them and to their messages I say, “Amen, my sisters, brothers, and others.” Let God work out the big stuff while we just focus on the love stuff. Question people, gently, but don't question God. As a dear friend said so perfectly when she comforted me during a moment of heartbreak last year, "The story isn't over yet."

So, for 2025, my resolution is to be more grateful, to stop and smell the roses, and to lead with a spirit that has more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I need more of all of that in my life. We're all imperfect humans, but with a little bit more of the right spirit—the Christlike spirit—we can be just slightly better versions of imperfect humans…and that’s what God wants to see.

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As in all of my writings, essays, and column shares, what has been shared here is my own opinion. Yours may be different. And that’s okay. This essay is formed by my own current beliefs as they stand now, understanding also that belief and faith are ever-evolving things and that I want to remain open to wherever the future takes me.

Addendum on January 8, 2025:

After sharing this on New Year’s Day, in response I’ve had some more great chats with some people I’m close to about more of their experience in my faith community. I didn’t realize just how strong and how prolific the harmful ideology of exclusivity (or “we’re right and everyone else is therefore wrong”) was. While most people I’ve talked to didn’t/don’t feel this way, certainly entirely too many did. It has really been a heartbreaking reality to face, so I’ve been trying to understand what they felt/feel a little better and how it could have gotten to such an extreme place.

Perhaps at the root of the issue are some very dangerous terms used too commonly in a wrong context by some people in our community. People sometimes refer to other people in our group as “the saints” and the group, since we don’t have an official charter or name, as the “truth” or the “way.” Those are all misuses of terms and, as such, a lot of misunderstanding has resulted.

“Saints” in a biblical sense are simply people who are following Jesus and have the spirit of Christ. I don’t believe it’s up to humans to qualify who is and who isn’t a saint. That’s judging, and judgment is reserved for God alone.

The ”truth” and “way” very clearly are referred to in the gospels as being Jesus—simply and exclusively Jesus. Jesus is the truth. Jesus is the way. When we try to be part of the truth and the way, we’re simply trying to be like Christ; trying to have a Christlike spirit. That’s what the narrow way with few that be that find it is: living with a Christlike spirit. It doesn't and shouldn't refer to a specific sect or group of people.

I believe that “the church” refers in a global sense to people in any place and time who God feels are doing the best with what they know. So, it’s not for us to decide who’s part of that church and who’s not, but just for God to know and determine. Then “churches,” or individual faith communities or groups, are many, and each one has people who live with good spirits and those who don’t. Just as there are millions of "Christians" by name and not by spirit, there are also many Christians by spirit even if not by name; the latter are what make up "the church" in a spiritual sense, and they come from all people, cultures, faith communities, and persuasions across the world and across time.

What I’ve come to realize is that, in many cases, instead of people feeling like they want to opt in to a fellowship with others who are trying to be better versions of themselves, too many, particularly from families who have been part of a tradition for generations, instead feel/felt a lot of pressure to not opt out. For too many, it was a push and not a draw, and with that push came a lot of expectations. I’m from a family with only a few family members who participate in my particular fellowship and the majority/rest of my family members are either part of other traditions or have other belief structures. I think that has helped me understand that it’s about individual service and spirit and not about participation or tradition. For me to think with exclusivity about my faith community would mean that the majority of my family and friends were excluded from God's family…and that’s neither a belief I have, nor a thought process I’m willing to entertain.

When I was a pastor 20-ish years ago, my co-pastors and I visited a lot with people about the history of our fellowship. At the time, there was a very wrong idea going around that we had existed since the time of Jesus and were a continuation of the apostleship and church/churches that Jesus established. Over and over again, we tried to set that record straight because there is definitely no line of continuation. While we do try to model things after the apostolic ministry and home-church example we read about in the New Testament, our group was in fact started in the 1800s in Ireland and spread from there.

Some of the first ministers in our community way back then, while likely initially well-intended, went a little (or a lot) crazy and did some terrible things, which is a pattern that continues to this day, as is obvious from the abuse we’ve now realized had gone on for so long. And, if it’s an apostolic model, then that’s spot-on because one of the original 12 apostles also went a little crazy and did some very harmful things…and the remaining 11 were anything but perfect, full of opinions and basic humanity, but I believe genuinely trying their best with their limitations and good intentions. The point is not to follow anyone in the ministry, but for the ministry simply to point people to Jesus, the only safe example to follow.

Some religious history textbooks refer to my faith community as a “restoration movement,” and I think that describes it the best. It’s definitely a unique thing, well-intended, trying its best to get back to the basics and the roots, though full of humans and therefore very prone to religious tendencies, self-righteousness, harmful ideologies that include some who think in terms of exclusivity, and all of the other things we see in scripture over and over again and in all other faith communities the world over. In fact, many faith communities, religions, and churches claim that they are “God’s true church” and whatnot. Exclusivity is a common theme in many belief systems. It’s not right, but it’s common. It’s human nature. It’s narrow thinking.

I shared in my Wednesday Wisdom today (an Instagram post I’ve done every Wednesday for 13 and a half years now), a quote from an unknown author and it simply says, “Don’t ruin an apology with an excuse.” An old friend messaged me after I shared it and said, “I like your post today, but I actually go a step further. I don't allow my kids (the only humans that I can really influence) to apologize. I ask them to acknowledge the impact on the other person and then share how they'll change their behavior so that it doesn't happen again. I find that apologies are primarily for the person who is apologizing.” Wow! I love that. It's so true and so poignant.

So, in that spirit, in my ramblings here that I intend to be more of a working-through-it process for me to sort out my own core beliefs and history and not to be defensive or dogmatic, I feel it’s very important to acknowledge and genuinely apologize if anything I said while in a pastoral role, or since in a lay role, ever lead anyone to believe that I felt that anyone outside of our faith community wasn’t worthy of God’s love. I hope I never felt that; I hope it was never inferred from my preaching or visiting, but if it was then I am truly, sincerely sorry. I am intent on watching my terminology, attitude, and spirit going forward.

My intention in the ministry and now in whatever role I hold or place I find myself in was and is to simply share what I love with others. I do love Christ and I do love the core model of our imperfect little restoration movement in many regards, though fully understand so many of the flaws brought on by us humans who participate in it. The thorns indeed grow with the roses. It’s not about being perfect, but it’s about becoming better. The reforms I see in so many hearts lately are encouraging. The spirit is working overtime and, while there is resistance from some not leading with love and joy, the work being done by those who indeed are leading with those traits—both those who have stayed in fellowship and those who have understandably moved on—is creating a much more back-to-the-spirit-basics group where people are much more chill and much less worried about conforming or converting. I hope this re-energized spirit will continue, putting effort into working through harm done, making amends, acknowledging missteps, and moving forward better.

As a stubborn optimist, I have a whole lot of hope, despite a world that literally and figuratively is on fire, that goodness will win out in the end. I know it will. That's a promise. There will be justice for all who have been hurt, harmed, excluded, and mistreated. I believe that and trust in that, but also acknowledge that I—that we—have a lot of work yet to do. Let's do it with love. Let's do it with joy. And let's do it with a mission to promote peace.

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For those interested, here are some more pieces I wrote last year that touch on faith and humanity:

Sparrows: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/02/sparrows.html

Good-Neighborliness: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/01/good-neighborliness.html

Compass: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/11/compass.html

Wednesday Evenings with Gary: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/04/wednesday-evenings-with-gary.html

Lady Wisdom: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/02/lady-wisdom.html

Difficult People: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/06/difficult-people.html

Just Give It a Minute: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/03/just-give-it-minute.html

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Marty Johnson is the Communication and Vision Coach at AYM High Consultants, a columnist, and an editor, producing the mail and business center industry's leading magazine, MBC Today. In 2023, he sold his popular and growing brand, Uncle Marty’s Shipping Office, and retired from shopkeeper life to focus on writing and consulting.  

Subscribe to his free Ask Uncle Marty™ newsletter and read more at askunclemarty.com; follow him on socials @askunclemarty. 

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