Today begins a new year. As is traditional, even if a little
cliché, this is the time of year when we look back…and look forward. New
Year's Eve and New Year's Day are all about fresh beginnings, reflection, and
resolutions; they're about change, reform, and generally trying to be better.
This past year, I’ve shared a number of pieces in my column that touch on faith. I felt moved to share some of my thoughts, feelings, interpretations,
opinions, and more about a lot of different topics and had been keeping dozens
of pages of notes on the subject. There have been a lot of important conversations and changes happening in and around my faith community the past year or two, triggered by some horrific revelations of abuse that occurred. Those revelations were shocking and the stories that have surfaced are heartbreaking. My experience in my community has been mostly very positive and I have a hard time understanding what some other people say they experienced, with spirits of control and rules being what they felt rather than spirits of love and freedom in the simple gospel story. I can’t speak to others’ history, but only my own, though have thought a lot about what has been shared and have resolved to check my own spirit much more closely as a result to try to rid it of more wrong things that could hurt or exclude other people.
As a result of the discussions I continue to have with so many others in my community and with many of those who have moved on from it, I had also created a few articles that I didn’t publish. One of the unpublished essays I sent to
my sister and her comment to me was that she appreciated my sharing it, but that I "never have to defend [my] faith to
anyone." That spoke volumes to me. So, I deleted it, but eventually found myself
writing defensively again and, before I knew it, I had finished another article that
clocked in at 11 pages, single-spaced, in 11-point Calibri font. I read,
re-read, and was about to publish it when my heart told me to stop. It wasn't
right. It was too negative and didn't jive with my mission to share positivity.
It may have been how I was feeling, therefore valid and important for me to write for myself in a therapeutic sense, but it was also potentially very dangerous if shared. I recently
studied in the book of James and it has been very good for me to have reminders
about how much damage our tongues can do. While words can be forgiven, they can't be unsaid. So, I deleted that article too.
I saw a post from someone the other day that they
"wanted to be more Christlike" and then defined that by saying (and
I'm paraphrasing because I don't remember it word-for-word) that they wanted to
"hang out with sinners," "upset religious people,"
"trust women to lead," "make unpopular friends," "be
kind and loving to all humanity," and "take naps on boats." I
thought that was great. I know it was partly tongue-in-cheek, but dang were there some
truths there!
I’ve shared before that I often shy away from calling myself a "Christian," as that
word has been bogarted by a religious world and a political movement with which
I strongly disagree on many points. Let me be clear that the term “Christian” is, at its base definition, what I am and what I believe, because it simply means to be a follower of Christ, but the label is often associated in many minds with things that are not Christlike—harmful ideologies, as I've written about before, that cause harm to or exclude entire groups of people, sow fear, prejudice, racism, and anti-LGBTQ ignorance and hate, disenfranchise women, cause people to distrust science, and more.
I have good friends who invited me to their
church for a service recently and they don't use the word "Christian" much
either for the same reasons, but rather they simply call themselves
"students of Christ." I liked that a lot. And I think, in my heart (and yes, I said that correctly, as sometimes we need to think with our hearts and not our easily-confused minds), that that's really the goal for many people of similar faith: trying to be more like Christ in attitude and spirit, and using that as the compass through which one navigates life. It’s a tall order. Few there be that nail it.
The spirit of Christ is defined in one place as having the characteristics of love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Those were the
key elements of what made/make Jesus so wonderful and are what, I believe, God wants to see in people. It's really that simple. God wants
to create a family of people who are Christlike in their spirits. And I believe God does
that across all faiths, groups, cultures, time, demographics, identities, levels of
privilege, and so much more. Honest hearts doing the best with what they know are what God seeks.
I was a pastor for a little less than two years, 20-some years ago. My first co-pastor was an older man in his 80s who took me aside early on and reminded me to be very careful about qualifying or excluding or judging people. He said, “Never get the idea that all of the people in our fellowship will go to Heaven, or that everyone in Heaven will have been part of our fellowship.” That’s what I was raised to believe and it was a great reinforcement for me to hear from him. It’s more about a person’s spirit and less about their denomination or affiliation. God loves all people, everywhere, regardless of circumstance. Faith is an ever-evolving thing for everyone who tries to understand more about things bigger than themselves.
I observed so much good in 2024, but also saw quite a bit of anger in people, particularly on socials. An election year while the world is erupting in conflict will do that. And I have been fighting some anger myself, trying hard to not to let it turn into bitterness and the
flailing results that that can produce. Anger isn't wrong and there's a time and
place for righteous anger, but when anger turns into bitterness it can be very
scary—a dark, slippery spiral that we imperfect humans are prone to go down. It really has to be kept
in check. I'm so grateful for those people in my life who have kept love, joy, and peace paramount, as those are the three characteristics of the Christlike spirit
that are listed first for a reason…and are the antidote to becoming embittered.
I'm very grateful for an upbringing by parents who lead with love and reason, and who instilled in my siblings and me an ability and a directive to
think critically about everything, especially faith, and to never follow anyone or anything blindly. We were encouraged to talk about things, question things, and take advice with many grains of salt (as I’ve also written about lately in some of those articles on faith, because one person’s truth, standards, or set of mores may not apply or be right for another person in another time, place, culture, or circumstance). My siblings and I were encouraged to make decisions for ourselves, be discerning,
and be respectful, but not be afraid to break the rules when the rules weren't okay in order to live lives according to the always-evolving moral compasses that we each have
inside. This past year has taught me what a true, rare blessing that upbringing
was and I can't be more appreciative for my outstandingly wonderful parents who made it clear that it was about your spirit and not about rules or customs. It brought so much freedom that I realize now many of my peers did not have or understand.
I'm grateful too that I've have the incredible opportunity to
live a life filled with some exploration and to now be semi-retired and working remotely as a columnist, editor, business coach, and consultant from wherever I need or want to be. It’s an incredible privilege and, though I worked my tail off to get here, I acknowledge that it’s a rare thing and something to never lose gratitude for. I love to travel and I love to try to understand a little bit about different people
and their frames of reference, cultures, religious practices, beliefs, and
societies. And I think that this is important for everyone to try to do more of, in whatever capacity they’re able for, in
order to break the bubbles so many people live in where they sometimes think that they're
right and everyone outside of their community is wrong. Instead, by observing,
talking, attending, and befriending people who may at first seem very different
than ourselves, we learn that this beautiful world is so much bigger, grander,
and more loving than we realized; that God's plan is so much bigger, grander,
and more loving than we initially may have understood. As recently-passed President
Jimmy Carter shared once, "The bond of our common humanity is stronger
than the divisiveness of our fears and prejudices." We need to live more
in the grey areas, as I've also written about this past year, and not try to qualify
everything as black or white, right or wrong, in or out, righteous or
unrighteous, holy or unholy, or good or evil. Most things are somewhere in the
middle, just as every single human is somewhere in the middle.
I recently listened to a podcast on apologists, or people
who try to find scripture to support a certain belief or dogma or set of
prejudices. If we have that attitude, we can find scripture—or, at least a
skewed translation of scripture—that supports our belief system. But I like
what The Happy Givers share sometimes in their social posts, “If you are using the Bible to argue for
oppression, exclusion, or violence, then you have misunderstood both the story
and the storyteller.” I believe most of us need to understand the big picture better and see
humanity as God sees it: complex, diverse, and beautiful in its complexity and
diversity.
One thing that has helped me, in addition to traveling and
trying to understand other faith communities more and the values they have, is to try to understand root scripture more and the context in which
it was written, audience it was meant for, time and culture during its
creation, who the actual authors may be, how it was translated over the years
to apologize for different ideologies, and more. I listen to a ton of podcasts,
but two I really like that have been helpful in this regard are Biblical
Time Machine and Data Over Dogma. I don't always agree with
everything shared, but that's okay. The point isn't to agree or to be converted, but rather the point is to try to understand more perspectives so we can form our own
beliefs and not just simply subscribe to a pre-determined, apologetic set of standards.
Similarly, just because we're part of a faith community doesn't mean that we have to agree
with everyone in it or follow along with every directive that someone may try
to give us. As one of my mentors often shares, we need to “pick the roses and leave the thorns.” Any faith group will have those who get funny ideas or take scripture out of context, knowingly or unknowingly sharing harmful ideologies. I see it everywhere and in the majority of faith communities I’m familiar with, and it inevitably leads to abuse, control, and heartbreak—completely non-Christlike things. Those are the thorns. They grow with the roses, but when the roses are harvested the thorns are stripped away to make a beautiful bouquet. So call the thorns out and do the work to make changes so they can be stripped away, but don’t dwell on them to the point that you no longer see the roses. Be the change. Check your own spirit. We are responsible for our own actions, reactions, and inactions, but when we obsess so much over other people’s actions, reactions, or inactions then we sometimes can forget to watch our own.
In my faith community, our pastors are meant to be guides—rabbinic-like in their advising and coaching, but not authoritative. That got out of whack for a while, but I see it changing and it’s such a beautiful thing to behold. Recently, one of our pastors told us that she and her co-pastors have resolved to “no longer legislate,” and that made my heart so happy. As a result, people aren't walking on eggshells around our ministers nearly as much and it's creating a much more open and honest fellowship. It's helping to break the bubbles so many pastors and others existed in, and it is awesome to see! People are realizing that the ministry needs to the people just as much as the people need the ministry; that checks and balances are necessary to strip away thorns before they turn into ridiculous customs. I saw a quote lately that said, "Most adults I know aren't looking for a religion that answers all of their questions, but rather a
community of faith in which they feel safe to ask them." I'm glad that
that has been often my experience and it's why I love my community so much—not
because it's anywhere near perfect, but
because the majority of the people in it, in my experience, have a measure of a good spirit and
are open to learning and growing and becoming better together.
I'm so grateful for beautiful people in my life and in our world who lead with gratitude and show qualities of a spirit that I want more of. Gratitude is a buzzword that I have shared a lot lately in
my writing and coaching and also a buzzword that is very popular and trendy in the
personal and business coaching worlds that I'm a part of. It's an important
word too, as living in gratitude and focusing on the roses truly is a secret to a happy life. It allows,
as someone said recently, "whatever you have to be enough." In regard to spirit, the late, great President Carter said,
"Spirit is like the wind, in that we can't see it but can see its effects,
which are profound." As a Carter baby, I've always had a soft spot for the
late president, appreciating the spirit he showed in his kindness after leaving
office, his service, his quiet leadership, and his non-dogmatic and what seems to have been very sincere faith.
The sign at the Methodist church down the street recently said, “God has a plan. Love your neighbor.” There’s another Methodist church nearby that displayed a sign saying, “God said, ‘Be still and know,’ not ‘Freak out and question everything.’” I don’t know what it is about Southern Delaware Methodists and their awesome signage, but to them and to their messages I say, “Amen, my sisters, brothers, and others.” Let God work out the big stuff while we just focus on the love stuff. Question people, gently, but don't question God. As a dear friend said so perfectly when she comforted me during a moment of heartbreak last year, "The story isn't over yet."
So, for 2025, my resolution is to be more grateful, to stop and smell the roses, and to
lead with a spirit that has more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I need more of all of that in my life. We're
all imperfect humans, but with a little bit more of the right spirit—the Christlike spirit—we can be
just slightly better versions of imperfect humans…and that’s what God wants to
see.
...
As in all of my writings, essays, and column shares, what
has been shared here is my own opinion. Yours may be different. And that’s
okay. This essay is formed by my own current beliefs as they stand now,
understanding also that belief and faith are ever-evolving things and that I
want to remain open to wherever the future takes me.
...
For those interested, here are a few articles I wrote last year that touch on faith:
Good-Neighborliness: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/01/good-neighborliness.html
Sparrows: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/02/sparrows.html
Proverbial Wisdom: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/02/proverbial-wisdom.html
Lady Wisdom: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/02/lady-wisdom.html
Just Give It a Minute: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/03/just-give-it-minute.html
See It Through: The Best Stuff Happens After Intermission: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/03/see-it-through-best-stuff-happens-after.html
(This essay isn’t really spiritual on its surface, but the concept I believe
translates into many spiritual and non-spiritual aspects of our lives and
experiences…that of reform, in particular.)
Wednesday Evenings with Gary: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/04/wednesday-evenings-with-gary.html
Going High When They Go Low: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/05/going-high-when-they-go-low.html
(Again, not necessarily a spiritual essay, but another concept that certainly
applies to spiritual things.)
Difficult People: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/06/difficult-people.html
Rethinking Systems: http://www.askunclemarty.com/2024/06/rethinking-systems.html
...
Marty Johnson is the Communication and Vision Coach
at
AYM High Consultants, a columnist, and an editor, producing
the mail and business center industry's leading magazine,
MBC Today. In 2023, he sold his popular and growing
brand, Uncle Marty’s Shipping Office, and retired from shopkeeper life to focus
on writing and consulting.
Subscribe to his free Ask Uncle Marty™ newsletter and read
more at askunclemarty.com;
follow him on socials @askunclemarty.
#AskUncleMarty
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